The Handmaid’s Tale, by margaret atwood
reviewed by erin
After I read The Handmaid’s Tale for the first time, I immediately set out to have an affair. But that wasn’t enough; I seduced a man away from his wife and married him. And then my bank account was turned over to my husband, but that was actually fine, because I’m a girl and shouldn’t be worrying my head over finances anway. And then my husband and daughter did a runner for the border, and I was captured, and then I was forced to go help old, rich white people have babies by lying on the wife while the husband has perfunctory missionary sex with me. Then I had an affair with a chauffeur. Mostly, however, I spent a lot of my time thinking about sex or my place in the world, which was obviously very shocking for a sixteen year old, because before the moment I read The Handmaid’s Tale, I’d never wondered at all about my changing body or role in society.
Forever, by Judy Blume
reviewed by meghan
when i read “forever”, the first thing i could think of to do was run out and lose my virginity. too bad i was 28 and had been married for 5 years when i read it, but luckily people have invented the concept of being a born-again virgin. i’m sure it’s for people like me who read “forever” too late. but more than having lots and lots of secks, the book really made me get proactive about talking to the folks at planned parenthood. i now have stacks of their brochures and hand them out with free condies to everyone i see, and i’m on the pill, the patch, the ring and the shot. mr t won’t be getting a sibling anytime soon!
where’s waldo?, by Martin Hanford
reviewed by erin
Oh, sure, you think I’m kidding, don’t you? “Why would anyone ban Where’s Waldo?,” you ask. “It’s a stupid visual exercise with a guy wearing a stripey red and white shirt! Well, okay, why would anyone other than Manchester City fans ban Where’s Waldo?” Well, I’m here to tell you that Where’s Waldo? RUINED MY LIFE. Do you guys even KNOW what’s in a Where’s Waldo? book? Well, I’ll tell you! Drawings of people! Tons of people! Short people, tall people, fat people, skinny people, brown people, peach people, people who read books, people who eat sandwiches, people who kiss each other, people who wear red dresses and a big hat, people who don’t wear much at all, people who like sports, people who go to the zoo, PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. Christ on a cracker, it’s almost as if this entire world is peopled by people doing peopley things with other people. WELL I WON’T STAND FOR IT. I’m not letting my kid look at a book with pictures of people in it! She may want to talk to one of them someday!
Well, really, Rob, Where's Waldo? has that horrible EUROPEAN BEACH SCENE with the woman, face down, with her BIKINI TOP UNDONE! Really, I ask you: shouldn't we complain about being deprived of the realism of her suntainning on her back?
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